Are You Frightened, Shocked or Deeply Concerned By Your Teen’s Self-Harming Behaviors?

Have you recently learned that your teenager is engaging in self-harming behaviors, such as cutting, bruising, burning or inflicting other sorts of injury or pain onto his or herself? Are you grappling to understand this behavior – where it came from, what it means and why your child would want to self-harm? Do you feel confused, guilty, scared or helpless? Are you shocked, especially if your teen appears happy, high functioning and socially stable? Do you wish you could understand what is happening with your teen and had the appropriate tools and resources to help stop this frightening and confusing behavior?

Learning that your child is purposely self-harming can be a shocking, confusing and deeply concerning experience. Many parents immediately worry that their teen is suicidal, however, self-harming behavior is typically not a suicidal gesture, but rather a coping mechanism. In fact, teens often use self-harm as a means to mitigate and/or prevent suicidal thinking and attempts.

Many teens that self-harm appear happy, highly functioning and maybe even boarder on perfectionistic, which is why learning about the behavior can come as such a shock to parents. Regardless of how your teen appears outwardly, most teens that self-harm express feeling stressed out and/or emotionally overwhelmed. Cutting or inflicting other physical pain releases endorphins, which provides an emotional release. Other teens report feeling numbed out and use the self-harming behavior to feel something. Still others – although to a lesser extent – express deep self-loathing and use self-harming actions to physically manifest their emotional self-hatred. It’s important to note that self-harm is a symptom and not a disorder. If your child is purposely hurting him or herself, it is indicative that something deeper is occurring.

Self-Harm In Teens Is On The Rise

Although self-harm is often a hidden behavior, it’s becoming far more prevalent in the teenage community and is happening much more than you may think. And, it’s being used as a coping mechanism by a wide-range of teenagers in a variety of ways. There are some teens that hear about it at school and try it once or twice and others that adopt it as a regular practice and successfully hide it from their parents for years. Because self-harming behaviors release endorphins, the action provides emotionally overwhelmed or stressed-out teens with a release. Today’s teenagers are under increasing amounts of pressure from themselves and their parents, teachers, coaches and communities. They are living in environments of constant competition where achievement defines self-worth. Be it drug or alcohol use, promiscuity or self-harm, many of today’s teens are seeking some kind of relief.

Your Teen Can Develop Better Self-Awareness and Learn Healthy Ways To Cope

While therapy can be very effective for self-harming teens, the duration of the therapeutic process and its impact are variable. Important factors to consider are how long the self-harming behavior has been occurring and the level of dependence the teen has developed to the endorphin release. Regardless, self-harming teens need therapy, especially if the pattern of behavior has become ingrained. The self-harming behavior is usually indicative of a bigger problem, such as anxiety, depression, too much stress or a trauma history.

In our sessions together, your teen and I can identify, explore and address the underlying thoughts, feelings and body sensations that trigger self-harm. Through developing a greater understanding of triggers, your teen can create increased mindfulness and self-awareness. We will explore the self-harming cycle and explore other, healthier approaches to coping with stress. I can also offer support as your teen develops a more comprehensive view of how he or she affects and is affected by community, relationships and environment. Learning acceptance, creating balance, and developing healthy and mindful ways to cope with pressure and stress can help your child immediately, as well as create a solid emotional foundation for the future.

It is possible for your child to stop self-harming, develop better self-awareness, and learn healthy and effective ways to cope. With time, a holistic approach and a communicative therapeutic relationship, your teen can learn to make skillful and effective choices and learn how to better manage stress.

But, you still may have questions or concerns…

This behavior is so shocking. I thought my teen was healthy. What does this say about me as a parent and what will you and others think?

First, there is absolutely no judgment on my end. I have worked with self-harming teens for years and understand teenagers and the self-harming behavior well. Second, teenage self-harm is happening more and more frequently. Most of the teens I see are bright, active kids who are collapsing under the pressures put upon them by the culture and communities that they live within. Between classes, sports, friends, family obligations, technology and social media, many of these teens never get a break. Getting your teen into therapy now can help him or her develop healthier, more effective coping skills, as well as learn how to incorporate more balance and harmony into his or her life.

I believe that my teen needs therapy, but he or she refuses to go.

The best approach may be to firmly communicate to your child that he or she needs therapy and that it is non-negotiable. From there, you can create compromise and involve your teen in the process. One option is to contact three therapists and empower your child with the choice of which therapist to see. You can also let your teen know that the therapist is on his or her side, the therapeutic relationship is respected, and that after the age of 15 the sessions are confidential, unless there is a risk of suicide, abuse or harm to others.

I think that my child could benefit from therapy, but I’m concerned about cost and time.

I encourage you to view therapy as an investment. Self-harming behaviors are a symptom of underlying emotional problems and/or too much stress. Current research also indicates that the longer a teen self-harms, the more often and more forcefully they have to do it in order to get the same endorphin release. Insomuch, teens who self-harm by cutting may run the risk of accidental suicide. Getting help for self-harming teens can be critical. Therapy can provide your child with a greater understanding of how he or she relates to and is affected by the world. Developing this understanding and learning healthy and effective ways to cope as a teen can be invaluable and promote long-term, emotional harmony and success.

Your Teen Can Experience Relief

I invite you to call me for a free 15-minute consultation to discuss your teen’s specific situation and needs and to answer your questions about teen anxiety and my practice. You can reach me at 404-386-6130 or emai lalison@kellycounselingandcoaching.com

If you would like to set up a complementary 15 min. phone consultation or schedule an appointment, call 404-386-6130 or email alison@kellycounselingandcoaching.com You can also fill out the form below. Please note that counseling and coaching services are for Georgia residents only. Thank you and let me know if I can be of any further assistance.